Two Kinds of People: On Glassware and the Civilization of Drinking Well

There are two kinds of people in this world, darling. People who understand that glassware matters, and people serving martinis in jelly jars. We do not judge them. We simply never invite them to dinner twice.

There are two kinds of people in this world, darling. People who understand that glassware matters, and people serving martinis in jelly jars like raccoons rooting through leftovers. We do not judge them openly, of course. We simply never invite them to dinner twice.

Now then, proper glassware is not about snobbery. Well. Not entirely. A cocktail should feel correct in the hand before you ever taste it. The weight, the chill of the glass, the shape catching the candlelight across the bar cart — all of it matters. Presentation is hospitality, and hospitality is civilization holding itself together with lipstick and good gin.

The Old Fashioned Glass

This drink belongs in a proper rocks glass, also called an Old Fashioned glass because apparently once upon a time people respected tradition. Short, sturdy, heavy-bottomed. A drink like this should feel grounded. You are not sipping fruit punch at a pool party. You are having whiskey with intention. The wide mouth allows the orange oils to bloom properly, the large cube melts slowly, and the weight of the glass gives the whole experience a reassuring seriousness. If your Old Fashioned arrives in a stemless wine glass, someone has lost control of the household.

And since I care deeply about your domestic success, I should mention this is one place worth spending a little extra money. A proper cut-crystal rocks glass has enough heft to survive both vigorous stirring and unfortunate political conversations after dessert. Even a modest bourbon feels more distinguished when poured into something with a bit of weight and sparkle. I have included links to a few of my favorites, including these KANARS Old Fashioned Glasses — Gift Box Set of 4, because life is too short for cloudy discount-store glassware.

The Martini Glass

Martinis are another matter entirely. A martini belongs in a stemmed cocktail glass, properly chilled, ideally cold enough to make your guests worry slightly about your emotional state. The stem matters because civilized people do not warm perfectly cold gin with their hands like campers clutching coffee beside a fire. The shape also lifts the aromatics beautifully. The first thing that should greet you is juniper, citrus, or olive brine depending on your persuasion. Personally, I enjoy a slightly dirty gin martini because life is disappointing enough without pretending vermouth is the only interesting thing in the room.

When choosing martini glasses, avoid those enormous fishbowl-sized monstrosities restaurants became obsessed with sometime after standards began slipping nationally. A martini should remain cold, elegant, and faintly dangerous. Smaller classic stemware simply works better. The best cocktail glasses feel balanced in the hand and somehow make mediocre gossip sound considerably more intelligent. You can find one of my favorites, like these VEMACITY Ribbed Coupe Glasses with Gold Rims and Bar Tools — Set of 4, because we must be civilized.

The Collins Glass

And then there is the Collins glass. Tall, elegant, and criminally underappreciated. A Tom Collins, Gin Fizz, Mojito, or any sparkling long drink needs verticality. The narrow shape preserves carbonation while allowing the ice and citrus to stack beautifully inside the glass. A proper Collins should look refreshing before you even taste it. Too short a glass and everything turns warm and flat before your guests finish discussing whose husband has suddenly "found himself" and purchased a bicycle.

I prefer Collins glasses with clean lines and enough versatility that they work equally well for cocktails, sparkling water, or that one guest who insists they are "taking a break tonight" before mysteriously wandering back toward the bourbon tray an hour later. Good glassware quietly elevates an entire room. People notice it even if they cannot quite explain why.

The Truth of It

The truth is, proper glassware tells your guests they are being cared for. It says someone paid attention. A good drink can absolutely survive the wrong glass, just as a lovely woman can survive poor lighting, but why impose unnecessary hardship upon either of them?

Besides, if we are going to drink before dinner — and I firmly maintain there are situations where one absolutely must — we should at least do it beautifully.

Full disclosure, darling: some of the links in this article are affiliate links, which means if you click through and actually buy something, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you whatsoever. Think of it as a gratuity for steering you away from discount-store glassware and toward something with a bit of dignity. I recommend only what I would put on my own bar cart. My standards, like my opinion of plastic cocktail glasses, remain unapologetically uncompromising.